Dear diary,
I
know it seems crazy that I could be so upset about hearing my origins. After
all, I had always known I was a cancer cell. And I had also always been aware
that being a cancer cell was not a good thing. But what can I say. Sometimes,
although deep down we know something, we choose to ignore it. We pretend things
are not what they are, and act as if believing a lie might actually make it
true. Sure, I had always had that little voice deep down inside, reminding me that
inherently, I was cancer. Usually, with an unwelcome gut-wrenching feeling too.
But I was more than happy to look the other way, convincing myself that I had
accepted that fact, and was now moving on. So much so that when my truth was
finally confirmed, I found myself completely unprepared. For Selena, the tale
of her past had been just that: a piece of history. To me however, it was a spell
of black magic, where everything had suddenly become too real.
I
hadn't uttered a single word to Selena since she finished her story.
Thankfully, she had also kept her distance. Our conversation had somehow become
too intimate, and we both needed some space. Unfortunately, letting someone
have some space becomes very hard when you are stuck to your fellow cells. But
Selena was nice enough not to comment on my avoiding any eye contact, and I
blissfully stared into space as my mind, well, went to pieces. As if in a
dream, I kept having this vivid vision of a contorted Neo cell advancing on me,
and, with its face shielded by a black mask, announcing: 'X, I am your father',
in between ragged breaths (which strangely sounded vaguely like a
coffee-machine). My response was a strangled yell of 'Naaaaoooooooo!' into the
darkness, as I’d turn to Selena, who with loving eyes would whisper: ‘And I am
your sister’. As a cell, I never had enough time to follow the whole plot of
Star Wars. It seemed, however, that the few details I had gained from the
franchise were enough to give me nightmares. Here I was, the 'son' of the most
evil cell ever created, genetically programmed to fulfil my father's destiny,
and maybe, to outshine it too. And if I resisted? No matter, there were plenty
more cells to fill my shoes. Resistance was futile.
I
was quietly mulling this over when I suddenly realised my other-half was
staring at me with a gleeful expression on her face. I proceeded to give her
the 'what you staring at' expression, to which she just winked conspiratorially.
What was going on? I looked around me, discretely checking if I had missed some
kind of immune invasion, but everything seemed normal. I turned back to my
other half, and realised she had turned away. Had I just imagined this whole
exchange? I was just telling myself to take up yoga, because I was obviously getting
overly stressed, when she discretely muttered: 'You too!' from the corner of her
mouth. Her sudden whisper caused me to jump-up in fright, which would have been
fine except that with us cells, this usually tends to have a domino effect. Being
glued together, a sudden jump of one cell will cause the rest to jump up in
succession… This resulted in our host’s body giving an involuntary shiver, and
pulling her cardigan sleeves lower on her arms. After apologising profusely to
the nearby cells, who were now glaring at me, I directed my attention to my
other half, who had returned to giving me a proud look.
'Me
too, what?' I asked.
'You
too.' She replied solemnly, nodding in the direction of my mid-section. I quickly
looked down and noticed I was starting to appear rounder… Thinking my other
half was just looking for some weight-watchers comradery, I smiled bashfully
and nodded.
'Ahh,
terrible right? It's this whole drop in temperature thing. Makes us all gain a
little weight. But don't worry, you still look fantastic!' I told her, trying
to sound sincere. I then started thinking maybe instead of yoga, I should take
up some better exercise...Didn't want Selena to start being put off by my
bulging belly. I then noticed my other half was shaking as she laughed uncontrollably. Slightly annoyed, I mouthed: 'What?' to which she just laughed
harder. When she finally recovered she explained:
'It's not weight gain, you dummy. It's our
time! Finally: Interphase.'
I
felt my whole world stop as I heard the dreaded word. It couldn't be. I gaped
at my other half in panic, replaying her last sentence over and over in my
mind, trying to make sense of what she had just told me. Interphase. Me? But I had
been so careful with my nutrient intake…How could this be? I was different. I
wasn’t going to proliferate. No, no, no, no! I felt a growing numbness as I
shifted my gaze down to my mid-section to confirm her insinuations. And sure
enough, there it was: I was bigger, growing steadily. Preparing to split into
two cells.
Despair
gripped me as I froze, unable to take my eyes off my now bulging belly. As
interminable seconds ticked by, I circled from disbelief, to anger, to pain,
to panic. I began drowning in my emotional turmoil. Like a voice lost in a
raging hurricane, I heard my other half mutter on about how we would make Neo so proud, how soon it would all be ours. It was all
a distant buzzing to my ears. I couldn’t escape my demons.
Eventually, Selena
noted my stance. I could feel her eyes probing, trying to identify the reason
behind my sudden frigidity. I looked away from my bulging membrane into the
depth of her eyes, and in her innocence I saw my own evil. I became disgusted
by all that I was. I heard her beautiful whisper, calling my name, and I turned
away. Mustering all my motility, I shifter away from her, shielding my body
with countless cancer cells, until I could no longer see her face. I could hear
her angelic murmurs searching for me, unable to make sense of my behavior. I let
the sound drift away with the beating of the host’s heart, allowing myself to become one with the darkness around me. In time, all was silent.
Cell
X
